A wise women recently told me that fear is just an emotion. 
I roll that around my tongue a few times...it tastes funny.Intellectually, I know that fear is just an emotion, but my brain and my belly are in serious disagreement on this one.
This fabulous wise woman told me you can dismantle fear by laughing at it. Ha!
On some level that makes perfect sense...I want to believe her. Dissolve fear with a sense of humor...that seems just dopey enough to be true, doesn't it? At the same time I scoff - it couldn't possibly be that simple. If it was that simple why do I cower at the very idea of facing it?
As I work at untangling the knots in my soul, made of a lifetime of trying to survive the slings and arrows, I discover something useful: I have gotten so used to being 'an intelligent adult' that if I sit across from this wise woman or anyone else, and discuss matters of the mind/heart/soul, my insights into self and the world are as wise as the best of them.HOWEVER
That is not the same thing as actually TAKING IN MY TRUTH in such a way as to create a better way of living with myself.
What the hell am I talking about? bear with me here...
When embarking on investigations of those layered, historical 'issues' I realize that I am able to be more honest and more open if I don't just sit there like an adult. Lying on the ground with my feet in the air is sure to spill my intellectual armor out of my ear, leaving room for something new. Yes, feet in the air.
Sure, there are other positions that will do the trick...sitting cross legged, scribbling with colored pens with my non-dominant hand while talking; lying on my belly, chin in hands -these are just a few positions that somehow help me bypass my intellect just enough to let a pleasant surprise invite itself over for tea.
So...next time you feel the need to work through something, try it upside down.
Shake it up a little. Do a dance and sing what's bugging you. You may find it oddly useful. Sure it sounds stupid. You may even laugh and accidentally scare the fear away.
Thank you for sharing your perspective on fear...A very good friend said I shoud check your blog out. He knows how fear alomst killed me last week and has been killing me for 9 years. I have been taking methadone for 9 years and not willing to face the fears and reality I need to take my life back and I started that process 11 days ago... Then I get here and see you are the sister of a creative synth/keyboard player I once played with... cool, and thanks...fear is so silly but it is so powerful, it kills so many people and makes walking dead people out of many others.
ReplyDeleteA light perspective is good, thanks.
I will read more...but I will also be in serious pain for a while more..you should know that those words helped me in a big way today...you specifically helped me today with the biggest fear and hassle in my life and I need help from wherever I can get it, whenever I can get it.
ALSO, I enjoyed reading about your titles! I have many song parts, too good to not keep in my opinion, but I am not good with words or writing stories so they have not yet been turned into songs. I always felt funny keeping these song parts but now I see I am not alone in keeping those unfinished pings of creativity that come to me from the strangest of places...just like heaqring a squeaking brakes and the rhythm of a street cleaner, I heqar music in that crap sometimes...ideas are everywhere.
Thank You--
If you ever wanted to try writing lyrics to music I would be happy to share...Later after i get through this painful valley and get my life back. ...I have many verses, chorus, parts but cannot arrange them now because I have no story to tell with the music. I play guitar as my main thing but have recently purchased a few synthesizers and rhythm machines, it's all so fun, this is the reason I need to get my life back, to create and to share this horrid thing I learned as to help others stay away from this deadly lie.
Do you write stories? anything out there we can read more of?
Thank You Lisa, I will look back.
Hang in there, friend. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story with me. I know that moving through pain is such a slow process..it sounds like you have some good friends around you to support you. keep giving yourself permission to be creative...don't worry if it's 'good' it really helps release some of the inner ick, I've found. would love to stay in contact with you, you didn't leave your name or contact info...if you want you can go to my website and email me your contact info from there: www.thirdeyeproductions.org
ReplyDeleteif not, just know you've got one more person out here rooting for you!
- Lisa
P.S - you asked about other stuff to read....i have a few goofy articles online about TV if you feel like checking those out:
http://www.film.com/features/story/you-man-enough-watch-lifetime/21653808
http://www.film.com/features/story/whats-your-reality-does-say/21544641
http://www.film.com/features/story/meet-my-virtual-boyfriends-they/21744234
http://www.film.com/tv/so-you-think-can-dance/story/dance-show-dance-off/21772773
http://www.film.com/features/story/veronica-mars-movie-small-stars/21678460